11:10 a.m. - 2007-10-26
Happy Freakin' Whatever
I woke up this morning in probably the weirdest mood I've been in all year. Heck, since my father died.
What was weird about it? Why, I was actually kind of happy! That is just so unusual these days. I have been waking up every day feeling morose, and I spend the first two hours of my day trying to jolly myself into getting out of bed.
But today I bounced right up and grabbed the first thing I could get my hands on. No, it wasn't Bruce - he had already left for the day. Dang!
It was my CD player, and I had left a Ramones CD in it. The first song that played was "Merry Christmas, I Don't Want To Fight Tonight" and the second one was "Pet Semetary". Leave it to Joey to set me off on a weird train of thought.
My first series of thoughts were along the lines of how much I would actually, seriously, like to be buried in a pet cemetary. I'm not kidding! The pet cemetaries I have visited have all been very sweet and tasteful and I honestly wouldn't mind being plonked down in between Fluffy and Fido for the rest of eternity.
And, let's face it, it's got to be cheaper than a people cemetary! I plan on being cremated, but even those little columbarium spots are pretty darn pricey!
So Dr. Bruce, if you're reading this, here's what I want: I want to be cremated and have some nice little spot surrounded by all of our rabbits. If the pet cemetary people give you a hard time about why the urn is so big, you can tell them I was your beloved St. Bernard. You can give me some cute name like Pixie or Chubby and no one will ever be the wiser!
Of course, you'll have to clue our friends in on this in case they ever want to visit my grave, but think about how much they'll enjoy tripping around visiting all the cat and dog graves. Much more fun than some tacky "memorial garden"!!
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My second train fo thought started because I was thinking how odd it was that Joey was Jewish yet here he was, singing this Christmas song, and it brought back this memory of a really bad experience I had with a Jewish woman named Esther. She worked in the same company I did. I really barely knew her and had no idea she was Jewish, but made the mistake one December of asking her if she had Christmas plans. She completely blew a fuse and railed at me about how I should have realised that she was Jewish and it was very offensive to her that people would assume she celebrated Christmas.
I apologised all over the place. I felt really terrible. Until the following December, when I read an article in the company newsletter, written by the very same Esther, with advice about picking out Christmas gifts for those hard to shop for loved ones. It was a cutesy little article, and made it sound like she just loved Christmas, L-U-V, and couldn't wait to get out to the malls and spread that Christmas spirit around!
Huh? It was my turn to be offended. Had she suddenly found Jesus? I think not!
Seriously, folks, I really do respect other people's religions and I do try to keep them straight, but I am an animist. Has anyone ever wished me a "Happy Talking to Bees Day"? Or a peaceful "Sorrowful Day Of Mourning For Millions Of Dead Christmas Trees Day"? I think not. And do I blow a fuse about it? No. I politely say "No, I have no plans for Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanza/Solstice" and let it go.
But while I was listening to Joey chirping away I had this great thought - how about a holiday called "Happy Freakin' Whatever"?!! I am serious about this! It would last from the first night of Hannukah all the way until Epiphany, and it would be celebrated for the simple joy of being alive! And everyone would give out presents every single day, to people they didn't even know!
You could walk down the street wishing people a Happy Freakin' Whatever and handing out gifts. It would be fabulous!
And great for the economy!
I really am serious about this! If anyone would like to join me in this celebration I will welcome you with open arms! Just don't forget to bring the presents!
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