5:26 p.m. - 2003-07-06
Seeing Stars
One of Bruce's former students, who is now a grad student at Auburn, just left. He's been studying ants, and he was here doing an ant survey. I'm sure it will thrill you all no end that, according to Jason, we have a fine ant diversity here at Hobbstweedle.
We even have a group of "slave making" ants. This is a group of ants which enslaves other groups of ants and forces them to do.....well, I don't know what they're forced to do. Bruce tried to explain it to me but wound up mumbling "it's all very complex". Then he started to tell me how they are able to enslave other ants because they have huge mandibles. "With REALLY BIG pinchers!!", he burbled, making enthusiastic pincher gestures with his hands.
It all sounds very kinky, if you ask me. But it was exciting for Jason, because there are not very many slave making ants in North Alabama.
Sigh. The property may be a hopeless jungle, but all our biologist friends love it.
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We did something so small town, God Bless America for Fourth of July that you'll all be disgusted with us. We went to a minor league baseball game, the Huntspatch Stars versus the Mobile Bears, with fireworks afterward. I had a blast.
I knew it was going to be a good evening when the first person I saw at the stadium had on a T shirt that said "Celebrate Freedom. Read a banned book!" with a list of books that have been banned on the back. Now that's my kind of patriotic shirt!
I got really excited going in to the game. I know this is sacreligious, but I actually like Joe Davis stadium better than Fenway Park. Because, um...Joe Davis doesn't smell like urine. And the food is better!
And, as opposed to people celebrating Fourth of July on the Esplanade in Boston, we didn't have to deal with much in the way of security issues. I saw one very bored policeman during the whole game. We showed our tickets and were given a tote bag courtesy of one of the local high tech companies. We also got little America flags which had "Happy Fourth of July From Old Navy" on the staff.
In the only annoying part of the evening we were asked to stand up and wave these at the beginning of the game as the loudspeakers played the most insipid patriotic ballad I have ever heard. Titled "God Bless the USA", it was a whining ode to old fashioned (read: heavy on Christianity) morals. I had a hard time containing myself.
"What happened to the Battle Hymn of the Republic!" I hissed at Bruce. "SO WHAT nobody can sing it!! It's better than this insipid crap!"
As if on queue, a woman from the same high tech company that gave out the tote bags stepped up to the pitcher's mound with a microphone in her hand, and belted out a fine rendition of the national anthem. At the phrase "And the rocket's red glare..." a few fireworks were set off, their arcs narrowly missing the advertising plane that was circling over the stadium.
A little girl threw out the first ball, the loudspeakers played the obligatory John Fogarty ("Put me in Coach!") and the game began.
This being small town baseball, the game was really secondary to the rest of the event. Let's face it, there aren't too many Roger Clemens in the minor leagues, so they have to do something to hold your interest. Joe Davis stadium has a rather hyperactive announcer who plays too many sound effects and is a little too into the audience participation thing, but at least he kept us awake. "Can you all show these players HOW MUCH you want a GRAND SLAM?!! Let me HEAR you!!" he kept droning.
"What is he talking about? These players haven't had a grand slam in their lives." cranked Bruce.
The announcer also informed us that Joe Davis is a non-smoking stadium because "Smoking is BAAAAAAAAAAD for you!!" Right about this time I noticed a bulletin going across the scoreboard, informing the crowd that anyone showing up with a church bulletin on Sunday would get tickets at half price.
"That is truly disgusting!" I was still smarting from "God Bless The USA"
"No, it's great!" chirped Bruce. "I've been thinking about forming the Church of Intrinsic Reality! I mean, they don't say it has to be like a Methodist's church bulletin!"
The scoreboard continued to run public service announcements all through the evening, things like: "Vector Control reminds you to eliminate standing water around your home to cut down on breeding mosquitoes! Control of West Nile Virus begins with YOU!!!"
There was a goofy mascot skunk running around, throwing a beach ball into the stands. I was worried he was going to keel over from heat exhaustion as the skunk costume must have weighed fifty pounds, and it was at least 90 degrees out. It didn't seem to slow him down though, as he pranced all over the stadium, occasionally bumping into one of the players.
In between innings various members of the audience were dragged out to play all sorts of goofy games. I found this hilarious. There was the Twizzler Licorice Tug-Of-War, the BubbleYum Bubble Blowing Contest, the Off-Campus Bookstore Base Race (which featured a little girl racing against the mascot skunk. Guess who won?) and a tennis ball toss where anyone who wanted to buy a tennis ball for a dollar could throw it out onto the field after the last inning to see if they could hit first base. The winners of these events all got Stars T shirts and certificates for Terry's Pizza Parlour.
It was all very entertaining, in a small town kinda' way.
And at the end were some lovely fireworks, quite worthy of Gandalf. Actually, all the way through the game we could see fireworks going off all over town. Huntsville has several resident fireworks manufacturers and the police are, of neccesity, quite lenient on the subject.
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