9:37 p.m. - 2003-05-24
Towing Museum
First, let's have an infomercial, shall we?
Woooooo, wooooo!! All aboard the drug train!!
Do you notice that, as you get older, you have more of those nasty little aches and pains? Perhaps your back is stiff and sore, or your neck is out of joint? Or maybe you just feel tense and cranky all the time?
Well, now you don't have to resign yourself to being a nasty bitch, because now there's....
FORMULA 303!!!!
I just discovered this stuff through Steffie, who is the biology department secretary. It's an herbal muscle relaxant containing Valerian, Passionflower, Magnesium Carbonate. Donna, do you know this stuff? Is it really as good as my limp-and-happy-as-an-overcooked-noodle body says it is?
I've been having trouble with my jaw. I have tempo-mandibular joint syndrome, which is a fancy way of saying that when I get tense I clench my teeth and the muscles in my jaw go into spasm and I can't open my mouth. Which is very good for controlling the amount of whiney bitching I tend to do, but, unfortunately, also makes it difficult to eat.
Ibuprofen doesn't help. Neither does aspirin. But Formula 303, available at your local health food store? Man, oh, man! Not only is my mouth loose and flappin' away, but the rest of me is oozing like butter on a warm sidewalk. This stuff is just so fabulous.
I feel so....relaxed.
Bruce finds it amusing. "I hardly ever see you like this." he told me last night. "You're acting like you've had a couple of drinks."
Formula 303, folks. And the best thing of all? It's LEGAL!!!
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And today was also a fabulous day, because, finally, the wonders of the 1947 GMC "Bubble Nose" Tow Truck were revealed to me.
Yes, today Bruce and I headed up Highway 72, past the Kingdom of Jesus Car Wash and Lydia's Antiques and the "BIGGEST FIREWORKS STORE IN THE WORLD!!!!!" (which is the size of a rather large McDonald's and sells mainly Confederate T shirts) to Chattanooga, the home of the International Towing and Recovery Museum. I have wanted to go there for ages.
Don't you want to go? Who wouldn't want to go to a towing museum?!! Tow trucks!!
I'm happy to say that I wasn't disappointed! It came very close to equaling my most favorite museum ever, the Indian Motorcycle Museum in Springfield, Massachusetts. Now there is one fine museum that I'll have to blither on about some day. But right now, let's talk towing!
We were greeted by the owners of the museum, who just love to talk about tow trucks. The first thing they pointed out were the large photographs of those illustrious towing industry leaders who have been inducted into the "Towing Hall of Fame". There are several dozen of these portraits lining the walls, some of them with black ribbons denoting that the member was deceased. There were 10 women among the very straight, 1950's-esque men. "Oh yes!" Joanne, the co-owner, enthused. "Women are getting in there and getting involved in towing, too!!
Y'hear that, ladies?! You, too, could drive a tow truck!!
The museum is dedicated to tracing the history of towing, from the very first towing mechanism created by Chatanooga resident Ernest Holmes, way back in...um...a long time ago. 1916 is sticking in my head. Or maybe 1926? Oh dear. Well, it was ages ago in the last century, that Mr. Holmes rigged up the first mechanism for towing a car. It was an immediate hit, as vehicles were constantly going over the sides of the mountain roads around Chattanooga. Pretty soon everyone wanted one of these mechanisms, and Mr. Holmes was busy night and day producing them to sell.
"Did he make a lot of money?" I very crassy asked.
"Oh, he made a lot." Joanne said, very seriously. "The family sold the company in the 1970's for 16 million."
Joanne didn't stay with us long, just enough to point out that the old wreckers were mounted on cut off cars, because trucks in the 20's and 30's were not heavy enough to support the towing mechanism. She also pointed out the first towing mechanism Mr. Holmes made, the Holmes 485.
Why 485? "Because it sold for 485 dollars."
I must say I grooved on Joanne's voice. She had a beautiful Tennesee accent and said things like "19 and 26" rather than 1926. I also grooved on the insanely beautifully restored old wreckers, as well as a couple of Model T's in the back of the museum. "They don't really belong here," confessed Joanne, "but the owner pays us to store them and the money helps."
There was also a quilt made of cloth blocks, each with an embroidered tow truck. The quilt was made by an employee of the Holmes company, who "is to be highly complimented on her effort." I'll say. This quilt must have taken months. I do a heckuva lot of embroidery, but man, tow trucks? No way!
There was also a funny diorama of a car wreck using model cars. The wrecked car was a little yellow Chevy, the 1950's kind with fins, which had struck a miniature fence and crushed its front bumper. It was surrounded by a 1950's Michigan patrol car, a milk truck with milk cans tossed about in the back, and of course, the starring tow truck. It was adorable.
I'm think about setting up a diorama like this in my back yard.
I think the Towing Museum people like toys, too, because there was also almost a whole wall of toy tow trucks, all collected by a man named Peter who lives in San Francisco. The explanatory sign says that Peter has been collecting miniature wreckers for over 25 years and reports, rather enigmatically, that "All responsibility for care and cleaning has been left, by his wife, to Peter." Does Peter come all the way from San Francisco to clean them, I wonder?
But the best thing about the Towing Museum is, hands down, the gift shop. Where else can you get magnets that say: "All unattended children will be towed away at owner's expense."? Or T shirts with the Wrecker Driver's Prayer on them? Or a handy Towing and Recovery Museum Jar Opener, as I did, for only 50 cents!! Now there's one cool bargain!!
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