10:11 a.m. - 2003-04-14
Chubby Long
One of my orchid cacti bloomed yesterday.
I'm crazy about orchid cacti. I've always been fond of plants that: A) Look like they just landed from some alien planet and B) Remind me of drag queens. Orchid cacti do both.
We name ours with drag queen names, too. Do you know the formula for making up your drag queen name? Your first name is the name of your first pet. Your last name is your mother's maiden name. My drag queen name is Chubby Long, and that's what the orchid cactus which is blooming right now is called.
Chubby, like all orchid cacti, only blooms once a year, and the blooms only last a few hours, so bloom time has become a major event in our lives. I actually time my social life around when I think the buds will open up. When the buds start to swell Bruce and I obsessively go and stare at them every couple of hours in an attempt to time when they will open. Pathetic, eh?!
But there is a precedent for this! In Victoran times people grew night-blooming cereus, a similar type of cactus, and on the rare occasions when those cacti bloomed they would have big dinner parties in the plant's honour.
And if you see these blooms, you'll understand why! They are straight from a 1950's science fiction movie, complete with aluminum foil clad aliens! I mean, seriously, get a look at this:
This is our other orchid cactus, Blackie Wagner. Uh, that would be Bruce's drag queen name! Blackie isn't blooming right now. She usually blooms in June, and only every couple of years. She's a picky sort of girl!
Chubby Long has the same flowers, only slightly smaller and a creamy yellow colour. They smell sort of yucky to me. In fact, I suspect that in nature they are pollinated by flies.
Here's a closer look:
Yeah, can't you just see metal clad aliens running around in the background and pie plates swooping by in imitation of flying saucers?!
Someday, I have this fantasy that I'll do the sets for some cheesey science fiction film or play. The set will be full of orchid cacti. And passionflowers. Those are definately flowers from outer space.
And I want to get more of them! I would seriously like to have at least ten more, because I'm just crazy about them. Of course, that does mean I'm going to be bugging all my friends to tell me their drag queen names. Hint, hint.
