10:33 a.m. - 2003-03-31
See Rock City
Yup, I bought Cinderella and a bunch of gnomes at Rock City. Dirt cheap, too!I was hoping that they could be convinced to do some housework around here - you know, things like cleaning the litter boxes and a few dishes here and there. But no, these are the laziest damn bunch of gnomes I've ever seen! And they drank all my Glenfiddich!! And Cinderella? Forget it! She's just laying around mooning over some Prince who I suspect is just as much of a deadbeat as these gnomes.
You just can't get good help these days.
*********************************************
Ahem. We went to Rock City in Chattanooga on Saturday, as the piece de resistance of showing Helen around the South. If you take a serious trip through the South, Rock City is de riguer. Don't you love all these French words I keep throwing in? It's part of my resistance to George Bush and the ridiculous Freedom Kisses thing.
It also shows I'm ejucatid!!
*********************************************
Ok, we'll start AGAIN!!! What's that you say? You've never heard of Rock City? Well, let me be your guide!
Rock City was started in the 1930's, by two people named Garnet and Frieda Carter, who had a big estate up on top of Lookout Mountain. At first, it was just a garden for the two of them, with pathways leading around the rocky, cave-y land. Frieda put in all kinds of plants and they hired stonemasons to build paths and benches that would blend into the landscape. It was all very beautiful and tasteful. So beautiful and tasteful that Frieda won an award from the Garden Club of America!
At a certain point, the gardens got such a reputation that Garnet and Frieda decided to open them to the public. Freida's part of Rock City looks like this:
Yeah, tasteful! And peaceful! I could sit on the stone benches for hours, listening to the water dripping from the cliff overhangs. So pretty! And the plants are all thoughtfully marked with their Latin names! It's really the mark of a serious garden experience for me!
The lovely garden paths wind and twist all over the mountain top, with the peaceful atmosphere broken only by the sound of hillbilly parents yelling at their kids to "Get on back from that drop off, Yokum Junior!" Bruce was not amused, and made some comments about people who bark like seals. There are also some dips through the shallow caves as well as spectacular views from the mountain top. You can see seven states!! Well, supposedly, on a very clear day if you've had a few drinks.
The views were a bit too spectacular for me, though. I have a terrible fear of heights, and the experience rather set my teeth on edge. At one point Bruce put his backpack down next to the side of the path, right next to the shear drop down the side of the mountain, and I lost it. All I could think of was Michael Jackson dangling his baby off the balcony. This shear drop off path continued over to a humongous waterfall that drops off the top of the mountain to a large pool at the very.....far......away......bottom. I was very happy to get to the relative safety of the snackbar midway through.
It's at about this midway point that the influence of Freida's husband, Garnet, kicks in. Garnet was the inventor of Tom Thumb Miniature Golf, so you know his touch on this was bound to be a bit....weird. So weird that it actually gives Rock City a schizophrenia that is hard to describe.
The first thing Garnet did was to lauch a brilliant ad campaign. He hired painters to go throughout the countryside hither and yon and paint "See Rock City!" on the roofs of barns. Even today this campaign persists! I've seen "See Rock City!" barns in Maryland! It was a brilliant idea, because after seeing about ten of these barn roofs, you find yourself thinking that Seeing Rock City might be a really good idea.
Second, Garnet decided that the gardens were all fine and dandy for the adults, but what about the kiddies? Wouldn't they want some rock 'em, sock 'em fun? So he added these guys:
They kind of sneak up on you. At first you hardly notice them, peeking around a tree here and there. But then you descend into the insanity that is Fairyland Caverns, and suddenly they are all over the place, along with a bevy of other fairytale favorites. Why, there's an entire huge room full of fairytale scenes! And they are all painted with neon paint, and lit with blacklights.
"Rock City really benefitted from the invention of black light technology." commented Bruce.
There are also sparkly caverns lined with rock crystal, with white coral studded ceilings. Not to mention the Barbie dolls dressed as fairies that dangle from above, the high school students working weekends dressed as happy elfs who wander about, and the rather rotund woman dressed as Mother Goose who sits just inside the front door, waiting to spring on unwary travelers. She made me sit on her lap so Helen could take a picture.
She wanted Bruce to sit on her lap, too, but he outright refused. I'll never let him hear the end of this - I mean, if an old lady gets a thrill out of having a big handsome guy sit on her lap, what the hell?! Bruce, however, felt otherwise.
0 comments
