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7:54 p.m. - 2003-03-08
Bunny Pictures!
Warning: Before reading the following entry, please be aware that it contains images of unspeakable cuteness. Viewing these images may cause moaning, dizziness, heart palpitations, and that sicky-queasy feeling you get when you eat waaaay too many Mars Bars.

Are you ready folks? It's BUNNY TIME!!!!

Now you have faces to put with the names! That's Mirage (aka: "Miss Bunny") on the left, with the tasteful black fur and the ears that won't quit. On the right is Loki (aka: "Mr. Bunny") with the natty tuxedo, looking like he's talking with his mouth full. That wouldn't be out of character. After all, he is the Bart Simpson of rabbits.

Brace yourself, this next one is just nauseatingly adorable:

This was taken when the rabbits were still allowed to have baby keys. That ended shortly after we got Mirage. The House Rabbit Society says baby keys are a fine toy for rabbits. They lie!! Sure, baby keys are great for dopey bunnies who don't know how to use their teeth. Miss Bunny, however, is no dumb bunny. She's got teeth, and she knows how to use them!

Yes, one day I went into the studio to find that Mirage had realised baby keys aren't just a fabulous throw toy, they are also a delicious snack. She was just finishing off the last bright blue key on the ring, and had a look on her face like: "Man, that was TASTY!"

Didja' catch that, folks? She. Ate. The. Hard. Plastic. Baby. Keys.

This definately constituted a Bunny Emergency. I threw her in the nearest carrier and ran the four blocks to our vet clinic. Our vet, however, was unconcerned. She assured me that the keys would undoubtedly roll through her intestines with no problems. Some hairball medication might help, but it was really no big deal.

So I took her home. I was shaking. That night I told Bruce that I had a feeling I knew why her previous caretakers had thrown her out in a wildlife sanctuary.

"Yeah, me too," he said, looking distinctly nervous. "She probably chewed somebody's leg off."

The baby keys did pass though, just like the plastic twist tie, the metal Laxatone tube, the skein of embroidery thread, and all the other insane things she has ingested over the years. We don't call her "Miss Teeth On The Hoof" for nothing.

I know it sounds like I'm a bad bunny guardian and I leave things laying around for her to eat, but I don't!! I'm very careful. I swear she uses some kind of rabbit telekinesis to get forbidden things within her reach. Either that, or she levitates onto the tables. Hell, maybe she has a whole team of evil rabbit fairies who spend their lives hunting down plastic hair barrettes for her.

The chewing can be channeled productively though. For example:

You all didn't know Miss Bunny had artistic talent, did you? Here she is, exploring her favorite medium - paper sculpture! This piece was created with the Huntspatch Times, though usually she prefers the more subtle colours and more manipulatable paper of the 2002 Bell South Yellow Pages.

Seriously, I used to worry about throwing out my debit and credit card receipts until we got Mirage. Now at the end of the month I just give her a big pile of them, and she does a better job than any commercial paper shredder would do. If anyone can piece together my credit card numbers after Miss Bunny gets through with them, they probably deserve a big chunk of money! It's too late for Enron, but I'm wondering if I could hire her out to some other corrupt corporations that have big shredding jobs?


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