9:10 p.m. - 2003-02-12
New Age Shopping
Oh my God. The endearing mr-oaf has turned me on to the most horrifying website imaginable. I can't even speak of its gut wrenching terrors. And they are letting innocent children handle these...these... INSECTS!!!
Just looking at it makes my skin crawl!! AAAAAAHHHH!!!!
Simon will love it.
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Yeah, I'm still sick. There is actually an official state of emergency in Alabama because of the flu epidemic, so it isn't just me being malingeringly whiney. So there!
In a desperate attempt to distract myself today I went to the local New Age-y store to buy candles for my new altar! The top of the humongous flat file I recently bought from Wendy has a glass top, through which can be seen all the cool patterned paper that I insist on buying, even though I hardly ever use any of it. I thought the paper-under-glass would be a nice backdrop for all the various dieties I chat with every so often.
So I went to get candles. It was a bad idea. Every time I go in this store I swear I will never go there again, but of course two months later I'm in desperate need of...oh, I don't know, a flourite crystal or some God-forsaken New Age thing. So I figure I will just quickly whip down to this little store, get what I need, and go. In and out, nobody gets hurt!!
It NEVER works.
From the moment I walk into the store, the owner and his wife and their assistant, who I suspect has some kinky relationship with his employers, are all over me like a labrador retriever on ecstasy. It is absolutely impossible to get away from them until I've endured all their advice on any number of matters that I haven't even asked about.
Today they were on a moldavite kick.
"It's from outer space!" the owner gushed.
"It helps you commune with the extra terrestrials!" crooned his wife.
"What about the faeries?" I asked.
"Weeeellll...." The owner seemed reluctant. "It really is supposed to help you with ET's, but I don't see that it wouldn't help with all the more highly evolved beings."
I decided to skip an argument of whether faeries are more highly evolved or if they are just a parallel race of disincarnated beings. Instead I made the fatal mistake of mentioning that I was really just looking to buy a few candles for an altar I was setting up.
The wife went into overdrive. "Do you have a gong or a drum, to help draw your mind to higher planes? We have a large array over here starting at $15.95! And look at these fabulous sculptures of all the Hindu gods! Surely you need Siva for your altar!"
"Mmmm, actually do you have Garuda?" I like Garuda. He has the head of an eagle and he guards against snakes. I'm as squeamish about snakes as I am about....those insects on that website.
"I've never heard of Garuda." The wife is perplexed. I am obviously not fitting into her perfect customer profile.
"What about a feng shui money frog!!" pipes up the kinky employee. "It's only $27, and it'll just bring you MILLIONS!!"
It's true, folks, he REALLY said that. Does it come with a money back guarantee?
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