4:40 p.m. - 2003-01-06
Post-Christmas Musings
Just some random musings. It's been hard to get back in to writing entries. Dang that winter holiday! It really threw me off, and I'm noticing some of my other favorite Diarylanders haven't been updating too much either. I've been wandering around like a ghost the last few days since we've been back, and everything seems so ordinary and not worth writing about after the big trip and seeing friends. Yup, just the same old washing clothes and making scones for breakfast and hugging cats and feeding bunnies.
Booorrring.
I'm also feeling this strange dissatisfaction with my life that I was too busy to notice before we left. I feel like I'm not accomplishing enough, like I should be a famous and well-paid artist by now and what the hey is wrong with me, anyway?! I think this has come to a head because the oil pump in Bruce's trunk went flooey last week and it appears that it may not be fixable. In which case we'll be in the market for a different (note that I did not say "new". In fact, I avoided the word "new" like the plague.)truck. Which we can't really afford.
Well, we could afford it, but we don't really want to. We were doing so well on paying off all the student loans, etc., and I was actually beginning to think we were going to be debt-free...someday. I still think that, but with a truck added on it will be someday in the distant future.
Anyway, so now I'm beating myself about the head with a damp towel and inwardly haranging myself with tirades about how if I were a decent artist I could bring in more money and this would not be an issue. If I would just be more daring, creative, market-savvy, productive, witty and nubile, etc, etc, I would be more successful and this would not be a issue.
Hell, if I would just go to law school and become a lawyer the problem would be solved, too. Of course, I might commit suicide in a year from emotional distress, but at least we'd have more money.
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