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2:50 p.m. - 2002-10-09
More Psychos
When I asked the other day if I attract crazy people, it was just a rhetorical question, ok?!! I didn't really want an answer!

I was innocently wandering through the bunny food section of the grocery store this morning (that's the vegetable aisle for all you non-rabbit people) and out of the corner of my eye I saw a well-built, black guy with long dreads coming towards me. If he had been about a foot taller and really muscular he would have looked like Tir on Andromeda. He had the same sort of big, doe-like eyes. He was smiling beatifically. I realised, with a sinking feeling, that he was headed straight for me.

When people you don't know walk towards you with a huge smile on their face, it's just never a good sign.

"I just want to tell you how beautiful you are, with that gorgeous hair!"

He's a red hair fetishist. Charming. I smile politely and nod.

"No, really, you are just beautiful! You got those gorgeous eyes and that hair! I saw you when you walked in! And you had that beautiful smile!"

Was I smiling, I wondered? Considering I had wanged my foot really bad against the side of the car when I got out I wasn't sure this was possible.

"Yes, you look fine! You just keep looking beautiful and smiling and don't you hide those looks under a barrel..."

Something about the phrase "hide those looks under a barrel" and the beatific smile tipped me off. A Jesus Freak! He was a Jesus Freak with a red hair fetish!

"...and those beautiful blue eyes like the sky above that God made for every body....."

He was unstoppable. Before he had finished I had been thoroughly told how ravishing, gorgeous, lovely, exquisite, shining, absolutely beautiful and radiant and generally scrumdiddleyumptious I was. I only escaped by pretending to memorise his name and phone number. In case I wanted to go out and see a movie sometime.

I have given up on telling men like this that I'm married. They always think I'm just saying that to back them off. Yeah, well, that too!!

I spent the rest of my time peeking down aisles to try and avoid him. I went through my shopping list in such a rush that I forgot butter, and raced out to the car in a frenzy in case he was following me. I was almost there when one of the "mentally challenged" folks that the store hires offered to take my cart for me.

He was also smiling beatifically, but it was becasue he had just pulled a goofy prank. "See those men, up on the roof?" He pointed to a bunch of roofers. "I just yelled at them. I yelled 'Don't jump!'"

"Did they laugh?" I asked.

"I don't know" he said. "But I laughed!"

********************************************

On a far more psychotic note, I have noticed for the last week that there have been almost continual booming noises coming from Redstone Arsenal. I've never heard a peep from them before. It reminds me of the Ents in the Lord of The Rings, except I don't think the U.S. Army is quite so beneficent.

In case ya'll weren't aware of this, Redstone Arsenal is the missile defense command for, I believe, the entire United States. It is awfully creepy that as Bush is pushing his war-mongering they have suddenly stepped up what ever is making booming noises over there.


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