2:40 p.m. - 2002-06-23
Waiting For Godot
Things To Do While Waiting Anxiously For The Results Of Your Latest House Negotiation:
1. Try to think positive thoughts about the state of your life. Consider how lucky you are to have a wonderful husband, four charming cats, and a pair of exquisitely demented rabbits. Reconsider whether the cats are really charming. Consider that perhaps Athena is not charming at all and Zesto is far more demented than any rabbit could ever be.
2. Admire the new coffeemaker which only cost $17.99 and not $37.99 like you thought it was going to. Make a pot of coffee and drink all of it so that you will be even more inclined to hyperventilate every time the phone rings.
3. Meditate. Take deep breaths and focus your thoughts on sending debilitating energy to the seller of the house. Visualise her begging you to buy her house for cheap.
4. Worry about termites. After all, you are buying a brick house. Huh?
5. Look through seed catalogs to find native plants that grow in deep shade, in clay soil, in the searing heat of Alabama. Ponder the realization that only three or four native plants will grow in deep shade, clay soil, and the searing heat of Alabama.
6. Stare at Zesto and try to grock the fullness of the fact that he is deaf as a doornail. Try to imagine whether it is completely silent in his head, or is it like a kind of white noise in there? If a tree falls in the forest and only Zesto is around, does it make a noise? Experiment with different high pitched squealing noises and marvel at the fact that he doesn't react to any of them.
7. Pick out paint colours for every room of the house you may not even be buying. Go to Ebay and check out curtain material. Buy yourself a sink! Go to all the antique stores in the area and buy some antique porch furniture.
8. Every time the phone rings jump up screaming and then when it turns out to be a close friend on the other end insult them by saying "oh....it's just you."
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