6:29 p.m. - 2002-06-10
Southern Lexicon
I was wandering around Hobby Lobby today and noticed a woman with a fabulous Ph.D. As I was admiring it from afar I realised that no one up North would have any idea what a Ph.D. refers to down here. So, for your entertainment and edification, here is a glossary of Southern slang:
Ph.D. = No, Ms. Hobby Lobby did not have a doctorate. She had a Pentecostal Hair Do! Some (most) of the Pentecostal churches do not believe in haircuts for woman, and the resulting hair sculptures are quite impressive. Even in art school I don't think I could have been this creative with a floor length head of hair.
Kin = Family
Severe Weather = Intense thunderstorms with frequent cloud-to-ground lightning and probable tornadoes. Severe weather season is generally September to November and then February to April. Channel 38 is the "Severe Weather Station"!
Double wide = a double sized trailer or pre-fab house.
Dip Dog = A corn dog, a hotdog dipped in corn batter and fried. Truly disgusting!!
Funnel Cake = Fried Dough, like you get at flea markets and amusement parks.
Co Cola = Coca Cola
Orange Coke = Orange soda
Grape Coke = Grape soda
Haints = Spirits, ghosts
Haint Blue = sort of a cerulean blue which is supposed to repel haints. It's a voodoun belief.
Haint Bottles = Blue bottles put in the windows of your house to repel haints. Also a voodoun belief.
"Give me some sugar" = Give me some loving, hug me, kiss me
"I'm gonna hafta bitch slap her!" or "I'm gonna hafta dope slap him!" = I love this. Southerners are honest enough to admit that sometimes you just want to haul off and slap somebody who's being obnoxious or just willfully stupid. Of course they wouldn't really slap anybody, but it's so nice to say, isn't it?! It's so good for your mental health to just vent these feelings once in awhile!
"My bachelor uncle" = my uncle who is gay. I think everyone here has a bachelor uncle (or a "spinster aunt")
"I might could do that" = I can do that
"I need to get with you on that" = Let's Do Lunch!!
Snake handler = Someone who belongs to one of the Pentecostal churches that handle poisonous snakes.
Come to Jesus moment = as in: "That girl needs to have a come to Jesus moment!" This is hard to explain. It basically means that the person has done something really awful and needs to pay for her bad behaviour in a really big way! For example, a man who cheated on his wife might have a come to Jesus moment when his wife got an enlightening call from his girlfriend. Miss Beth explained to me that the idea is that these are the moments that used to make people rush back to church to get "saved" and "purified" and repent of their horrible behaviour.
Noodling = Wading into streams to catch fish (especially catfish) with your bare hands.
Sweet Tea (pronounced "Swee'Tea") = Ice tea with so much sugar that it would probably be instantly lethal for a diabetic.
Feeling poorly = feeling sick
"He's right done gone off that" = He's not doing that anymore, he's not interested in that anymore.
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